Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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