My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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