I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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