Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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