dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
