If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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