Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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