Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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