I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
