I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
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