I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
