i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
