Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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