I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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