eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My vagina just clenched in fear
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
