their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
