Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
