I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
