Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
