Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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