whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
