i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
