So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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