It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
