is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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