We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
