so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
