life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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