what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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