The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
