if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
