I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We are all done wearing pants today
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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