No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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