ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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