Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
