Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
