I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
