I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
