I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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