I got chris browned last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
