Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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