I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize