My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
