is your mom at the bar?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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