Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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