Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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