My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
