Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
