There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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