Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
