I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
