awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
