Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
