I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
