Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
