i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did you pee in the oven last night??
there is glitter all over my balls
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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