I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
