considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
