I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
