Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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