The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
