How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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