420 ftw
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize