you turned your livingroom into a bong?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
