Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
