my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
