using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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