Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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