Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
