I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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