Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you guys were way drunker than both of me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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