We won't sleep together?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
