watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
