you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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